I know there isn't anything 'beautiful' about suicide, but what else would you call this iconic photo?
Captivating, isn't it? Morbid, yet fascinating that this beautiful woman would jump off the top of the Empire State Building. It was way back in 1947, when the economy was just getting up to par after the Great Depression. So much of New York hadn't even been built yet.
New York in 1932 - notice how the streets are evident at this angle?
When I stumbled upon Evelyn's image in the fall of last year I was immediately drawn to her. She looked familiar to me, like she was someone I had known. Upon some google searches I found some minor details about why this woman would jump to her death but I still found myself obsessively wondering more.
[When I become interested in something, I tend to take it to the extreme.]
As the winter approached and my vitamin D supplements increased to no avail, I grew more and more depressed. My husband was off work for the winter so we had very little income even with his ebay selling on the side. I'm grateful he was home most days because I could usually stay in bed and shut out the world. I slept as much as I could and drowned my emotions with television shows and movies. Each day, I grew more sad than the last and even contemplated suicide when I hit rock bottom.
So often I turned my attention to Evelyn and her story. I wanted to save her. I wanted to jump with her. I wanted to talk to her and tell her things would be ok even though I didn't know myself. It was a bit obsessive, I admit, but it helped me through.
In my obsessions I found out that a student named
Lauren Anne Rice was researching and writing a book about Evelyn. Immediately I was intrigued and actually wanted to help write the book!
Instead, I wrote a comment thanking her for helping me through this past winter. Later, I sent a more detailed personal message to her directly and even received a reply that was touching, kind, and thankful. I was so scared of creeping her out in my message [by talking about my obsession with Evelyn] so I was grateful she received it well and even offered some insight and reminded me not to use labels.
Being beautiful doesn't mean being happy which is why her image perplexed so many. Obviously I wasn't the only one intrigued by her morbid beauty:
Andy Warhol resurrected her image in a print he did titled, Fallen Body. In 1962, Evelyn was once again brought to light.
Since then, she's been a focal point of many art projects everywhere.
I'm really anticipating Ms Rice's book! I'm pretty sure it's not only going to give us a delve into Evelyn's life but also inform us about depression with regards to today's society [versus the post Depression of society that Evelyn ensued]. I imagine so many were angry that this beautiful woman, when life was so precious, would throw it all away with a single leap. It probably angered people that she then received attention for her "selfish act" of suicide.
It was that last thought that gave me a sense into the minds of the healthy non depressed people of the world. I suddenly understood why people got so angry.
From my standpoint (and so many that end up in that dark place), suicide was the solution for the ultimate hatred of yourself. That was what you do when there is no hope at all. It's doing your loved ones a favor by ripping of the band-aid in their life.
That's the way some think when they're at the end. The "selfish" part is the tunnel thinking that goes on. Suicidal people can't hear words of comfort very well, some not at all. They have this idea and when nothing can break through to save them, they jump.
Quite frankly, it's a place we've been to before, we're sick of it and we've already heard everything. That's why we can't take it anymore and it feels like happiness is only going to come in tiny sporadic bursts throughout life. There's not enough to warrant seeing it through for an entire lifetime. In fact, I felt better knowing I could very likely die in a car crash or get cancer. That was basically what I had concluded by the time the spring sunshine came along so I moved on.
It's a morbid way of thinking, I know, but it's a mutually familiar feeling to so many. I even wrote that big ol' slew in a Facebook status after I witnessed a teenage boy pacing atop a building, threatening to jump. The kid was alright but it shook me up and had reignited the above feelings. I wanted to explain to people that this kid wasn't looking to be selfish. He needed help and being angry at him often makes it worse. If he did it to get attention, it's obvious he needed help which requires attention.
I was upset that the crowd below responded in anger and disgust, not sympathy and definitely not empathy. I was angry that people can't see beyond their own opinion. People rarely acknowledge other's lives and feelings, why on earth would they take the time to empathize? Grrrrr *insert some kinda angry face emoticon*.
I had recommended to my cogent thinking friends that they perceive it as a "hallucination if you need logic". A delusion.
So, anyway, join me in anticipating Lauren Anne Rice's book and check in with her
Facebook for updates as well.
On a side note, try not to worry about me. I've been exercising (walking), taking lots of vitamin supplements, eating better, and I'm even remembering to take my medicine every morning!
luf
Becky
