headache in my environment

Gee, there sure is a lot of blogs out there, something makes me think that mine isn't all that different. Seems like using pictures is important. We live in a viual world

I ran out of prozac a couple weeks ago (not like i was remembering before that) and have really been feeling it. Also ran out of ibuprofin and T4s so my headaches were nasty and I had to rely on my coping skills to ease the pain. Coping is important for anyone with chronic pain otherwise we spiral into a depression. There's a strong link there; emotional and physical pain. I often wonder which came first for me because one generally causes the other.

My family didn't believe that I was suffering from headaches; they believed I was suffering from lack of attention. Mom humored me by buying things like cod liver oil (3 tablespoons daily), and crushed aspirin on a spoon mixed with pancake syrup . It really makes me sad to this day to know that they had no sympathy for my pain and the things they did were just to try to get me to shut up. I was sent to my room to lay down (which laying down ironically causes a major increase in pain). No sense in dwelling on it now. As a grownup I find that it never gets me anywhere to blame, but I do it anyway.

I got my T4s refilled just the other day and my pain has dropped tremendously. Unfortunately opiates are bad I hear. I could talk about opiates, pain relief, and my personal experiances but you really can't get the whole picture unless you lived in my shoes.

As I read this book "All In My Head" by Paula Kamen I find that I'm really not all that different from others with daily headaches. In fact I'm actually the normal candiate for chronic headaches and migraines: childhood abuse (sexual, verbal, & emotional), lack of attention (big family), childhood trauma (brother dying and mom leaving), and overweight. All that makes my pain less real when you take it into account. Plus people already see me as a whiner.

Speaking of whining, Cody isn't allowing me much time to myself so I have to end this.

photophobia headache

Last night I was going to write on here but my head was killing me so I simply didn't.

I've been working on my hemp jewelry and posted a few of them on my Etsy. It really helps to relax me and makes me feel like I have another purpose (even if I'm not really making any money). Plus it gives me a slight creative release. I can't express as much as I want to but hey, its a start, right.

I took the kids to the airplane park yesterday and they had a lot of fun: we didn't need to spend a dime, either. When I got home though my headache was a flucuating 7/8 even 9 at a couple points. Mike came home shortly after we did and he immediately could tell I was hurting. He gives these sympathetic looks where he presses his lips together and spreads his brows while tilting his head ever so slightly. When he did that last night I paid close attention to how I may have appeared: i was wearing a little bit of makeup from the morning, mostly likely smudged a bit around the eyes and temples; normally I squint when my head hurts and I wasn't this time but my lids were heavy; also when I hugged him I just held onto him for a few moments and leaned into his chest pretending he was a giant magical pillow of pain and stress relief. I was also nauseous as hell which just means that my head was definately hurting badly.

I took a few more ibuprofin before the night was out and it seemed to settle it enough to sleep. This morning, however, it was back. I took some ibuprofin an hour ago and it seemed to have helped a wee bit. Thank goodness I ruled out rebound headaches time and time again because thats what any reader might assume and I assure you thats not it.

Cody and I just had lunch and we were gonna go outside and play for a bit but I'm not looking forward to it, honestly. The sunlight isn't good for me and will just diminish everything that the ibuprofin just accomplished. Plus I either sit there and watch him (maybe read or make some jewelry) or play with him which is fun for a little while but he cries when you wanna stop even if you've been blowing bubbles with him for hours. Gotta take care of my little Cody even when it causes me excruciating pain.

*deep breath* here we go...

luf
becky

chronic daily headache: Day 2

I'm supposed to be writing about my headache everyday (for research purposes not venting purposes) and its been weeks so so far I'm not doing all that well so maybe I can sum it up for ya because I know my pain well.



After recovering from bronchitis the days were nice for a while so the kids deserved to go outside and we did. When the days are nice and sunny I suffer from photophobia (sensitivity to light) and the wind causes an instant rise in pain. Pain steals my nice days, too.



And then of course here in southern Ontario we've been experiancing record breaking barometric pressure shifts. The weather goes up and down; up and down; up and down; up and friggin down again and it sucks so terribly. So this past week I've experianced 3 seperate migraines and headaches all above 7 on the painscale.

I cope. Thats me with a flucuating 7/8 migraine.

This morning I woke with a tiny number 3 headache which is good for me. I've been experiancing allergies associated with pollen I'm pretty sure and thats new. Thank goodness its tolerable. Just some watery eyes mostly and a little itchy-sneezy-nose-blowing stuff.

I'm thinking about testing for potato sensitivity. This may sound funny/odd to a new reader but the truth is that I've gone through and ruled out many many headache triggers and there really isnt much left to detox/introduce again.

luf
Headache Expert, Becky Greene

The Headache Diary: Day 1

I've been reading this book called "All In My Head" by Paula Kamen and she makes some very good analogies and points as a fellow chronic daily headache sufferer and she got me thinking [quite often actually] about starting a headache blog.

After all there are many others out there like me and Paula Kamen. In fact I find that so many people suffer (and I mean really suffer) with daily headaches and its quite difficult. I guess I want to help educate on headaches. Even a doctor could get educated by my blogs. Who knows, maybe I can be on Oprah (dont worry i'm not seriously holding my breath).

So a quick history (I'll have to add on to the history every day cause there's a lot):

The chicken or the egg? The headache or the depression?

I was the 4th child of 5 kids and a rather happy little girl. That was until I entered the first grade where my parents struggled to keep me in school just because I was scared to death of my teacher. I don't remember much just bits and pieces. I remember she made a lot of children cry and I was one of them. She stood one boy up in front of the class and made us all chant and clap "Jimmy lied to the teacher". I'll never forget that part as long as I live. That poor kid was standing in front of the class dripping with snot and tears and shaking like a leaf and the teacher continued.

The reason I mention that is because I still wonder today when my headaches all started. I can't remember when they started because I always remember having them. My parents didn't have childrens tylenol so I would frequently get aspirin crushed up on a spoon and mixed with a few drops of pancake syrup. It was disgusting but I learned to tolerate it. I remember seeing the nurse at the old elementry school so I would have had to be 5-7 years old. I got sent home a lot, too.

This morning I woke with my normal pain in the back of my head and temples. I've been recovering from bronchitis and a minor case of whiplash. Also finances haven't been good (stress), and the weather is humid (we're expecting rain) so all my headache triggers have fallen into place once again. Lukily I got my tylenols with codeine refilled and have been going easy on them for fear of addiction. I took a couple about an hour ago with some cold medicine and coffee. Pain is down to a 2/3 (flucuating) instead of a 6 that I woke up with.

If you're familiar with pain, you might recognize the painscale: 1 being no pain, comfortable and 10 being the worse pain of your life, suicidal. I'll use it frequently to help describe my headaches along with the triggers I know and I'll try to describe where and how they hurt.

Everything I say will be 100% truthful. I want to find a cure/treatment.

luf
Becky

message to society

I got some deep thoughts that need organizing so here goes. I just got back from a therapy appointment where my therapist inisists that I'm not the one with the problem-its society.

Ok, Society, listen up! I need a fucking break. I want to be a mother and a wife but apparently its a lot more difficult than I was led to believe. I dont regret having children and getting married so you single people, dont even go there. But I still need that place/space for myself.

Women all over the world are multitasking like crazy! Honestly, people, its not fair. We alone are responsible for raising children. An entire human being (more in most cases) is completely under our care 24/7. Everything we do/say is being scrutinized by tiny ears and eyes. While I'm sleeping I'm worrying. The next day, the next week, and years are all contantly being whirled around like crazy in my head. I have to think about me somehow at somepoint, so I have a cigarette or drink some coffee and write on here. But I need to let society know that this is simply not enough. There's books, magazine, coucelours, support groups all out there telling us what to do to make things better. How bout this? Get some fucking daycare for these poor women so we can take a bath and sleep in! Just once a week, or even a month! Anything is better than nothing.

Nothing is what we're doing. Maternity leave is for people to have a kid and then go back to work. You get 50% of your pay and 20% if your're a man. When you go back to work, if your kids' grandparents don't offer to babysit once in a while, your fit to be screwed. (i dont know what fit to be screwed means, i just wanted to say "worse than screwed" so that didnt quite do it, but i'm leaving this all here for comedic relief)

Now here in Canada we have "child tax benefit" and "baby bonus" which is far more than I can say for the states which is ...well...nothing. The Canadian government hands out anywhere from $50 to $300 per month to their citizens with children to help with things like childcare, medications, appointments, school clothing, etc. This is a really great thing that Canada does but its really not enough.

I was looking at getting subsidized childcare for the kids. I only needed a couple days a week so I could make my appointments (without frantically scraping somehwere for a bysitter at the last minute casue Mike's mom or cousin never showed up) but I would've loved having daycare all week and maybe trying to start my business idea or going back to school. Anyhoo the subsidy people told Mike and I that they needed $380 per month from us. After that, they said I could have daycare for one day a week or 5 days and it would all cost the same. They based it on how much Mike and I make. They never asked for our bills (the house that was forclosed on us, my $300/month medications, our ridiculous heat bill from shitty landlords, etc) so they think we're rich. I never would have gone for "subsidized" if I knew nothing about it actually was "subsidized"

So thank you, Canadian goverment (and more sarcastically to the states) for taking such good care of your mothers and wives. We're being neglected-plain and simple. The change that society is slowly heading towards is not going to happen soon enough to help me.

My mother in law won;t help because I told mike if he asked her for help that he has to tell her the truth. He told me that if told his mom the truth that she would never let it go. She would think and say terrible things. She might watch the kids like asked but he said to expect the worse response from her. She already thinks I'm the weakest person in the wolrd.

June, my therpaist, says that Lesa (Mike's mom) is one of two kinds of people. Her life revolves around power. I'm the other kind of person. My life is about love (empathy, kindness, respect). That part atleast made me feel better.

When I get angry at the kids for crying its because of my family who would get angry if I cried when I was little. I was told to stop and if i didn't, I was sent to my room cause "no one wanted to hear it".

Well of course no one wants to hear a poor little girl suffering from sadness and pain. (or in a lot of my cases it was from headaches and migraines that a 6 year old doesnt understand).

So immediately when Adam gets whiney sounding, I feel myself getting angry. I need to remind myself that thats not me. I dont like that anger and its not who I want to be. I want Adam to work through his feelings and learn the right way to release them.

Again, this is all justa tiny piece of the stresses. Some daycare would help me get this all sorted out. And if I could get it periodically then I'de be way more organized.

Society, please listen. In the old days new mothers had the help of the whole village, what the fuck happened to that? Did you all get selfish and ignorant? Raised by village idiots rather than good moral people?

Fix it. My children (and their future wives) deserve it.

Link Costume

Okay, so the movie is supposed to come out at some point here soon, so there might be some out there who may need a little help with their son's Link costume.

Adam is our model. He is 4 years old (in these photos) and completely ecstatic about being Link from Legends of Zelda for Halloween. He's been smacking at the keyboard since he was 3 months old, and gaming since 2 years of age. What can I say? He games, and don't judge me, cause the kid's a fucking genius. I didn't like all the computer games at first, but my husband took over, promising me that Adam would not let his chores, grades, or behaviour slip and he was right. Then to top it off, he requests new games daily because he gets bored of the ones we give him. So Mike decided to try Super Smash Brothers, Mario Party, Mario Paper, Bomberman, Final Fantasy One, and a few others. I've never seen anything like it, not in a child, anyway. He scores really high and since I dont know the game, I look it up. Google will tell you just about anything you want to know. [Mike believes that Google will become a seperate artificial intelligence and try someday to take over civilization] And anyway, aparently Adam's skill level is about that of a 30 year old man who has been playing for 20 years. He beats Mike at Mario Racing. I wouldmention that he beats me everytime but that doesnt really say much. Mike plays MMORPGS, first person shooters, racing, rts (real time strategy games) and has been since he was 15 and my 5 year old son kicks his ass.

Ok okay I'll stop my bragging and get back to the point. Adam requested to be Mario for Halloween and he suggested that his little brother be Luigi and I should be Princess Peach (aka Princess Toadstool) I was rather happy that he changed his mind....

But then Link AND Princess Zelda was my new assignment. I never really did convince him that I didn't need to dress up, I kept him excited about his.

First of all, I did a google search for Link costume and found a chick who had made one for a convention (i still believe that rather nerdish and dont get that). She took the costume down to basic Link in green tunic but she went all out on the shield-his final level shield. We decided to go with a level 1 Link with cloth tunic, no chainmail.

I made a little money pouch with leftover brown fabric from the boots and stuffed it with batting. His hat was just 2 triangles sewn together with the bottom part being the diameter of his head. It was a little snug but it needed to be to keep it on...

The tunic was made using a t-shirt (with the sleeves folded in) as the pattern and I made it about 6 inches longer. I wanted it to remain "rough looking" so hems were few, and I fringed it where it didnt already do it by itself. I sewed the sides and shoulders and cut a v shape in the neck. I was thinking about shoelacing the v-neck but decided against it (laziness on my part).

His boots were the hardest and longest part. I took a pair of his rubber boots and put them on their sides on a piece of brown fabric and traced a boot shape with a 1 and a half inch seam (and mobility)allowance. I also made extra room at the top because his boots get folded down to reveal a buckle in the middle. I sewed the top of the boot part together and the back of the boot and slipped them over the rubbers. I warmed up the hot glue gun and glued the bottom to the bottom sides of his rubber boots and the top after i folded it down an inch and half. It was missing a buckle so I went to the dollar store and bought 2 of those leather watch straps. They were perfect! I hot glue gunned them into place under the fold and his boots were done.

I used two old belts to make the "sash" and belt and assembled it like so. While I was at the dollar store I picked up some yellow hair spray paint too. His ears were triangular pieces of felt sewn into a tiny cone shape and slipped onto the top of his ears. They fell off a lot, so I hand sewed them onto the hat where they stayed quite sturdy-like.

I was pleasantly surprised at how many people knew who he was. Some said an elf because of his ears. Two teenage girls commented that he was "the coolest costume they ever saw" and that was enough for me :)

And Cody the sword wielding elephant....